Three steps to fixing a cheating husband and bringing the spark back to your marriage.

Q: What should I do if I no longer have confidence in my marriage after my husband cheated on me?

Dear teacher, my husband cheated on me in September last year. I found out at the beginning of this year, but he didn't take a stand and I didn't say anything.

At that time, I was working full-time from home with the children. I started ignoring him and didn't care about him much. Behind his back, however, I was still paying attention to him and his mistress. Now I'm back at work and my child has just started kindergarten.

We have known each other for 10 years, and have been married for almost 10 years. Initially, I chose him because of his good temper and sense of humour.

After 12 years of marriage, life was calm and peaceful. After having children, I became a full-time stay-at-home mum. I had considered the possibility that he might cheat on me, but I didn't think it would happen. I started working because I needed to plan for a divorce.

At the beginning of the month, his mistress rejected him, so he came back to me. He said he had made a mistake and wanted to start over with me. He also lied and said that he had abandoned his mistress because he felt that his family was the most important thing to him.

I don't know what to say to him. I've been used to this cold life for almost a year, but I always feel empty. In addition to work and the children, I have no other interests. I have no confidence in marriage. Now I'm not strong either. What should I do?

Answer:

Many women say that they look at men in a certain way before choosing one, so you see, choosing him as your husband was just a choice you made at the beginning, not because of love.

Then, before you got married, you had a premonition that he would cheat on you. You didn't confront him about it at first, but you did eventually find the courage to divorce him. You have given yourself a good retreat, but it also shows that you basically don't have the strength to

Divorce shows that you do not need love in a marriage, but it is also a good retreat.

If you want to save your marriage and prevent your husband from becoming a serial cheater, the most important thing is your sense of need.

If you don't need a man, he naturally has no sense of value and feels unimportant in the marriage, so he naturally looks to others for approval.

If you want to save your marriage, you first have to face the problem. Tell him that you know he cheated on you and that it hurts you a lot. See how he reacts.

Secondly, you need to make demands of him to make it up to you and rebuild your confidence in the marriage.

Finally, the vital part of marriage therapy is to plan activities together, such as doing something together every week. This will help you communicate and warm up to each other.

Q: Can I get back together with my ex if I'm married?

 My ex was two years younger than me. Although I loved him, he was very immature and always got into trouble. We were together for more than three years, but I couldn't take it anymore and ended the relationship.

Afterwards, my family forced me to go on a blind date with a divorced man without children who was more mature. After a month of getting to know each other, I decided it was OK, so we got married.

Only two months after we got married, I got pregnant. However, after getting pregnant, I realised that he didn't love me as much as my ex did. My life with him was monotonous and boring; I felt that he didn't care about me at all and was just looking for someone to settle down with.

Recently, I've been missing my ex and thinking that he was better. I've also secretly contacted him. He doesn't know I'm pregnant. He said he broke up with me because of a lot of changes. I hope he'll give me a chance. I'm now more than a month pregnant and I don't know whether to just let it go or get a divorce to be with my ex. But I'm also worried about the child inside me and I'm so confused.

Answer:

 From the beginning, you were confused and did not know what you wanted, so you were forced to go on a blind date. You did not know what kind of relationship you wanted. Even the other party does not know why you divorced so hastily and got married. You regret it now, but you cannot afford the consequences of your wrong choice. This is the absurdity of your marriage.

Your current confusion lies in choosing between your children and your ex. You want to be with your ex, but you're worried he'll mind that you've been married to someone else. So, you're asking how to make your ex accept you rather than how to make this marriage work.

I have four pieces of advice for you:

1.Ask yourself two questions: firstly, will your current married life change? Don't consider children as a factor — they can't save a marriage. Secondly, are you sure that you won't break up with your ex because of the same problems?

2. Have a good talk with your husband. Explain your feelings, listen to his thoughts and ask yourself: are the two of you really not right for each other? But don't tell him that you want to be with your ex.

3. Test your ex-boyfriend's attitude towards you. For example, test his attitude towards your situation. If he can't accept a woman who has had a quick marriage and pregnancy, and then thinks of the ex, it's not worth it to thank him for his divorce and abortion!

4. Whatever you decide, you must balance your relationship with your husband. Don't make him feel that you want a divorce because of your ex, or that you would abandon your children.

After considering the above, I think you will find the answer in your heart.